


lose to win

by rootcoding



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: F/F, Ralicia, it's gay v gay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-02
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25676350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rootcoding/pseuds/rootcoding
Summary: overly competitive ralicia when alicia scores an opportunity at the academy that raquel misses out on
Relationships: Raquel Murillo/Alicia Sierra
Comments: 8
Kudos: 34





	lose to win

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally supposed to be a oneshot but i've cut it in half so there will be a second half to this
> 
> i'm also working on a longer piece for the two of them because i just love them
> 
> also, you can find me on twitter @lyrasjordan so hmu!
> 
> feedback is always super welcome and very motivating!

Raquel had always thrived on competition. It had begun as a child. Her and her sister, Laura, had always fought tooth and nail for everything. Who was first to speak, to walk? Who did better in school? Who could join the better sports team? Who was the better student, daughter, friend? Raquel had started to surpass her only in her late-teens. Laura opted for pleasure over progress and Raquel scored her way into the police academy while her sister took a gap year to assess her options. She had not expected to encounter that same dynamic again. The men at the Academy were laughable in their machismo and arrogance. She knew she was smarter, stronger, and capable of outwitting them at every turn so why bother to extend much thought to besting them? There was hardly a need to consider them. But then she had met Alicia.

Alicia Sierra.

This woman really would be the death of her. The two had been at loggerheads since day one. Raquel had always struggled with not viewing other women as her competition. Unable to tear her eyes away from their unmatched perfection. She was frustrated by their elegance, the way their eyes sparkled when they laughed and how boys would be at their beck and call with the flutter of their eyelashes or a toss of their beautiful hair. Being a woman in a man’s world often meant that there could only be space for one of them at the table and Alicia got the chair first every time. So, she worked harder. Early mornings and late nights. In many ways, Raquel owed more of her success here to the red-haired girl than any teacher she’d ever had. It became less about her own grin at her victory and more about wiping that perfect smirk off those painted red lips.

But now, Alicia and her cocky grin were all Raquel could think about and that same frustrated obsession had taken on a new meaning. They weren’t dating. It wasn’t like that. They still acted the same each day, spending their time in the presence of their classmates bickering and competing, but slowly that energy had twisted. Alicia’s taunting had turned flirtatious and Raquel quickly learned not to blush in response but to bait her back till she saw the other woman’s eyes narrow, daring her. It was a different game but the rules remained the same. They had played it for several weeks before the tension erupted. 

All in all, Raquel had slipped into their new routine without dwelling too much on the details. _Little details_ like how her heart had stopped when she thought she’d seen Alicia flirting with a guy in their state law class or how sometimes, when she was kissing her, she thought she could do this for the rest of her life. Raquel thought she had forgotten that fear of being left behind, of being worth less when someone took something she desired. Beside Alicia, she felt powerful. But some insecurities never die, they only lay dormant.

It had only been a week since Alicia had scored a place on a new programme that Raquel had not. The names had been called in class and with each one, her confidence had dropped a fraction before plummeting when Alicia was named. They never chose more than one girl. Their diversity quota was filled; one woman amongst twelve men was seen as more than enough. It wasn’t personal, Raquel knew that, but it hadn’t stopped her leaving the class in a moody silence before the red-haired woman could catch up to her at the door.

They had continued this way for the past few days. Raquel offered only quiet conversation and Alicia grew more irritated by her avoidance. It had been almost two weeks since Alicia had last spent the night and Raquel’s frustration grew with their absence. Was this how it ended? She couldn’t even be annoyed when she was the one ducking her calls and rushing home as each day of training ended but she couldn’t help herself.

As the final class ended that afternoon, Raquel had begun her usual dash to the door when she felt a strong grip on her forearm.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Alicia stood only a foot away but her voice was loud, forceful. She didn’t care if the other students brushing past them overheard, but Raquel did.

“I’m not,” she insisted. Speaking quietly, she tried to tug her arm back but Alicia held on.

“Why?” Alicia repeated it without hesitating, without concern for the way some had started to stare. Everyone here knew of the competition that had bloomed like a weed between the two women but the concern etched on Alicia’s face and the panic on Raquel’s was something entirely new.

“Look, I’ve been busy. Not everything is about you, you know. We can do something this weekend once your assessment is over?” Raquel tried to offer it without bitterness but she could feel it bleed into her words like she had an unwrapped wound.

“The final exam is tomorrow.” Alicia let go of Raquel’s arm and she felt her stomach sink. She hadn’t expected it to be so soon. Only twenty-four hours until Alicia would surpass her. Would she still be interested? Did she view her as less than? “We’ll arrange something after?”

“Yeah, sure.” Raquel muttered, already making a move to rush out the door. All she wanted was to be away from here, away from Alicia’s penetrating gaze. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  
  


Alone in her room, and on her second glass of wine, Raquel found herself incapable of thinking of anything other than Alicia - Alicia alone in her room, revising for an exam that would place her above Raquel, would mark her as better than her. She tried to shake the feeling but it itched like a rash, something poisonous underneath her skin. This wasn’t the kind of competition that motivated; she felt dejected. Was it the fear of not being good enough? Not quite. She knew the prejudice in the system. Would she really have cared so much if Alicia had missed this same opportunity, if was any other girl at the Academy but her? Was it because she was a woman or because she was someone Raquel could not stand to lose? If Alicia surpassed her, would she still have time for her?

Suddenly, Raquel found herself unable to sit still any longer. She couldn’t spend the night alone with these thoughts. She had to see Alicia. Almost on instinct, she dragged herself up, over to her counter and touched up the minimal make-up she’d been wearing that day. Still in her baggy shirt and trousers, this was no different than any other trip over to Alicia’s flat in the late evening, under the cover of night. Well, perhaps sometimes she might change her underwear to something more exciting, something she knew Alicia enjoyed as much as she did.

And there it was, the idea as thrilling as it was terrifying. Raquel knelt down by her drawer and dug through until she found it. It had been an impulse purchase she had never had the confidence to wear. Black stockings and a lace bodysuit.

Getting dressed in front of the mirror, Raquel admired the way the lace clung to her skin. It wrapped tight at her waist and climbed in its floral pattern up the curve of her breasts, leaving her chest and shoulders bare. The stockings held tight around her thighs but she picked at them regardless, pulling them up anxiously to make sure they stayed in place. In the amber light of her bedroom, she felt confident, beautiful even.

Tugging a coat over her near-naked form, she couldn’t help but get excited by it all. She had never had the confidence to try something like this before, to walk over unannounced wearing nothing but the lingerie she concealed only by a long jacket. Did she even dare?

Raquel rushed out the door before she could doubt herself further. There was a new confidence growing inside her now. This was something risky. Untrod ground. More than anything, it was an attempt at surprising a woman who took a lot to shake.

It didn’t take her long to arrive at Alicia’s door. Raquel took a deep breath, anxiously tugging the tie on her coat tighter, and knocked. It only took a minute for it to swing open in her face.

“I’m busy, Raquel,” Alicia stated impatiently, a little shocked at the sudden appearance. Her arm was already up to block her entrance. It was Alicia’s eyes that gave her away, softening as she looked over the brunette’s features and immediately anxious that she may have hurt her feelings. This was something that had never happened to Alicia before, the growing gentle compassion. She still spoke fiercely and without hesitation but now she cared for the aftermath. She cared for Raquel. “I have my exam tomorrow and I’m not ready.”

Raquel’s resolve shook a little as she heard the tremor in Alicia’s voice. She was never vulnerable, never nervous. Unshakable. This actually meant a lot to her.

“I can go?” Raquel offered, tightening the knot in the front of her coat while Alicia raised a single eyebrow.

“No,” she replied, instinctively. She didn’t want to see Raquel leave, dejected. Removing her hand from the doorframe, she spun around and gestured for her to enter. “It’s fine. I deserve a break and you can test me, but I do have to get this done.” There was a warning in her tone and Raquel didn’t miss the urgency. Guilt started to pollute her enthusiasm.

Raquel pushed into the room past Alicia and paused. This was her chance. It would be so easy, just slipping the coat from her body onto the floor and taking the two steps required to close the distance between them. She’d rehearsed the motion in her mind twenty times on the walk over, brazen and assured, but that confidence withered as she looked up at Alicia. There was something different about watching her watch her. She had never felt so visible, as though Alicia was tracking each movement she made, as though she could read each thought that flew through her mind at a terrifying speed. God, Raquel was starting to panic. _This is pathetic_.

“Are you okay?” There was a touch of genuine concern in Alicia’s voice that warmed Raquel, despite her growing anxiety. The hand that reached out to brush her cheek, hold her jaw, was all she could focus on. Alicia pulled her face up to stare directly into her eyes, conveying a worry she’d never dare confess to beyond these walls. Theirs was a private love, not even confessed to each other. Powerless to pull away, Raquel couldn’t even utter a response, only nod. She brought her own hand up to join Alicia’s, and for a moment just left it there. Flesh on flesh. _Like two magnets_ , Raquel remembered learning about it in school, _the rules of attraction_. She’d never imagined she could feel that pull from another person. 

As quickly as the moment began, it was over and Alicia stepped away and moved towards the kitchen.

Raquel followed behind a little dazed. Under the influence of the other woman, she had almost forgotten why she had come here. She tuned out the clatter of cups being taken from cupboards and drinks poured. She barely even heard Alicia’s earnest complaints about revision and exhaustion until a question broke her from her reverie.

“You’re not going to take the jacket off?”

“Uh, no,” Raquel shrugged. The plan that had seemed so perfect when concocted in the soft light of her bedroom was now confronting and frightening as Alicia watched her from across the kitchen. What had felt like a powerful move in their confusing game of chess, now felt weak. She was a rookie playing with fire and she wouldn’t escape unburnt. Alicia beat her at every match and she’d lost the element of surprise when she’d hesitated at the door.

“You look ridiculous with it on.”

“I’ll look more ridiculous with it off,” she mumbled, crossing her arms across her chest. Her cheeks bloomed pink, which only served to confuse the other girl further. Raquel was not usually so shy.

“What the _fuck_ are you talking about?” If she had not already started to tremble slightly with nerves, Raquel might have smiled at the frustration on Alicia’s perfect features. She so hated not to know what was going on. Confusion turned to irritation in one smooth transition inside her fast-moving mind and Raquel usually loved keeping her in the dark. “Take it off.”

The command brought Raquel’s nerves to a standstill and her stomach dropped. _How had she got so weak?_ An ache began to build in her gut as she raised her gaze to meet Alicia’s curious eyes, watching her - to see what she’s wearing or to see if she’d obey? This time it was steady hands that lifted to untie the knot, wound so tight from her constant adjusting, above her stomach. Pulling it undone, she simply opened the coat to reveal her outfit. The black of her lingerie contrasted more vividly against her skin in the stark light of Alicia’s kitchen than it had in the dim glow of her bedroom. Alicia stood like a statue, silently staring down the smaller girl. Raquel had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable, as Alicia’s trained eye followed her lace-clad form from head to toe. There was not even a flicker to reveal her reaction, not the ghost of a smile nor eyebrows furrowing in confusion. Her face was a mask. Perhaps she didn’t like what she saw, perhaps Raquel had just made the most humiliating miscalculation of her life. Nerves returning, she started to apologetically shrug the jacket back over her near-naked body.

“Don’t you dare.” Alicia’s voice was lower than usual and when Raquel raised her eyes inquisitively she noticed the hunger growing in her darkened eyes, the way her teeth had found purchase on painted lips.

Raquel felt her breath hitch. Dropping the coat onto the floor, she took several slow steps towards the other woman until she was so close she could reach out to touch her. But she didn’t get the chance.

Alicia brushed her thumb over Raquel’s mouth, dragging her lip downwards. Her composed mask cracking to a smirk as Raquel opened her mouth slightly at her touch. That smug expression was too much for the brunette and she brought their lips together into a passionate kiss, marvelling at the surprised gasp that escaped Alicia before she responded in kind. She was in control now. Her hands travelled down to the other’s waist, tugging at the fabric that gathered there in frustration. All she wanted was her hands on Alicia’s bare skin, to bring her to her level, but the other woman realised what she was doing and broke away. Raquel didn’t have a chance to mourn the loss before Alicia pushed her backwards and her spine made contact with the wall behind her. The moment of pain was forgotten as Alicia’s fingers wrapped around her wrists, pinning them at her sides. They were so close, she could feel Alicia’s ragged breathing against her skin.

Raquel’s head still rang with the thud of her back hitting the wall, her spine pushing off the flat surface and arching towards the woman who held her. _Kiss me again_ ; the desire blazed in her eyes unspoken and unconfessed. _Take what you want_ ; it was a silent dare. When Alicia’s lips finally came crashing into her own, passionate and insistent, Raquel moaned softly in response. She kissed her fiercely, fighting back against her restricted position, unable to reach out to touch. Alicia was stronger than she was and, in this position, had a considerable physical advantage. Raquel could push until her muscles ached but she would remain where she stood, trapped and trembling. This was not going to plan but it was hard to think about that when Alicia’s lips were moving against her own. The grip on her wrists disappeared and the pressure reappeared at her waist, her hips pressed back against the wall.

“Wait, wait -” Raquel’s attempt at pushing Alicia away at the shoulders turned to her hands sliding up to rest at her neck before curling in her hair. The sensation of Raquel’s fingers running through red waves, nails digging into the base of her scalp, prompted a hiss to escape from the taller woman.

“I don’t want to wait.” Alicia didn’t ever beg, but the breathless need in her voice as she kissed slowly down Raquel’s jawline to her throat made the brunette weak at the knees. A thigh slipped up between her legs and Raquel felt her tentative control slipping into nothingness as she moaned in response. 

“You said you needed to revise so… we will revise first.” It took all of Raquel’s self control to hold Alicia at a distance. She could see her lipstick smeared onto her pale skin, feel the gentle brush of her fingers over the lace on her waist, the rough sensation of her own spine pressed hard into the wall behind her with Alicia’s leg between her own. Alicia was so beautiful and she wanted _her_. It was that victory that gave Raquel the strength to gently push her away, only a step and always within arm’s reach, but enough that she felt space to take a shaky breath. 

“You really want to help me revise?” 

“Yes, I really didn’t mean to distract you just before the exam.”

Alicia’s throaty laugh was an instantaneous reaction. She looked so amused that Raquel felt indignant in response. The power she had just assumed fluttering out of reach once again. “Yes you did, you jealous bitch.”

She didn’t spit it like an insult but Raquel still blushed at the accusation. It almost felt like a compliment when it came so candidly from Alicia, who was still laughing at Raquel’s reaction. There was no anger in her tone, only a slight arrogance at having called her out on her play. Raquel _had_ come here, not just out of frustration and adoration, but with a petty and vindictive need to assert herself in a situation she felt she’d lost control in. Alicia could see through her, but she didn’t hate her for it. She admired it. She knew her as well as she knew herself. This is what she loved about Raquel.

“Don’t be angry,” Alicia whispered, leaning to kiss her cheek and breathing the words gently into her ear. A smug smile crossing her face unseen as she felt Raquel shiver. “I would have done the same if it was you.”

She pulled back, leaving Raquel with the image of Alicia Sierra turning up at her flat dressed as she was now. Desire grew in her gut, something low and wanting. How on Earth was she supposed to concentrate on revision with that picture hovering behind her eyes? 

“Do you want to put a jumper on or something?” Alicia had wandered over to the sofa, picking up her text book before turning back to face a still slightly dazed Raquel.

“Am I that distracting?” Her tone was light and teasing. She swayed her hips slightly, a mock dance as Alicia’s eyes narrowed but Raquel didn’t miss the way they followed the movement and it caused a shiver to run down her spine that had nothing to do with her lack of clothing.

“I thought you might be cold,” Alicia huffed in response, chucking a blanket from the sofa towards Raquel who shrugged it on as a shawl. “But, yes.”

Settling down on the sofa, the two women sat opposite on either end. Raquel’s bare legs extended past the wrapped blanket and she could feel Alicia’s eyes on them. Something mischievous began to grow inside the brunette. She’d been caught out but the game was far from done. The tea Alicia had made before was now a little cold, but it sat beside them on the table all the same. Raquel reached out for the textbook.

“Okay, let me test you.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and feedback are always amazing! i promise to post the second half asap
> 
> so they will get to uh finish what they started and also have an actual conversation about their insecurities


End file.
